So I work out at a gym. When I first started a few weeks ago I noticed one of the trainers looked familiar. Since I'm legally blind, I don't put much stock into who I THINK people look like. I have a fear of embarrassing myself by walking up to a complete stranger and talking to them as if they were someone I knew. I did this as a small child one time in a store, mistaking another customer as my mother and shamelessly took hold of their hand and began a conversation with them. I was so mortified I promptly burst into tears. It stuck with me.
Anyway, this trainer looked familiar. So when my trainer, who will be known henceforth as Trainer Terry, mentioned him in conversation it turned out to be the person I suspected. We'll call him Bob. Bob and I went out - once - in high school. Awkward date, never went out again, but he gave me rides to and from school for a good bit of the first semester of my sophomore year. Well, he (Bob) approached me the other day in an effort to help me with one of the machines. I ask him if he is...Bob Smith...and he says yes. I explain who I am, tell him my maiden name, and I see the undeniable stare of confusion. He has NO CLUE who I am. And I know he's thinking, "There is no way I ever went out with this fat lunatic!" I frantically tell him that I have since gained an inordinate amount of weight, so he probably doesn't recognize me. Still nothing. Really? I mean, we spent, like, 30-45 minutes a day together IN HIS CAR almost everyday for months! Really? He tries to cover, saying that he did a lot of drugs a few years ago and doesn't remember much, blah, blah, blah... No. I'm sorry. That doesn't cut it for me. Granted, I didn't go out with a TON of people in high school, but enough. And I can still at least remember their first names!
So I have to wonder now. How forgettable am I? Are there other friends, dates, whatever, that honestly would not remember me now? Is this normal? And, perhaps to make it worse, he has been very polite and nice to me ever since. He speaks to me when he sees me in the gym and seems to truly be curious about who in the devil I am. So this leads me to believe that it is not a case of denial of recognition due to horror of me, but an honest block in his memory. OUCH! And...awkward!
I think it's ironic that we all worry about what people will remember about us after we are gone. What kind of lasting impression will we leave on this world? According to my recent experience I need not worry so much! God has told us in His Word that we are not to desire the things of this world. And that includes the favor of men. Great lesson, hard to put into practice. So maybe my experience in the gym should serve to remind me that I'm not all that special here on earth. But you know what? I am known, loved, and CHERISHED by the Creator of the universe! And he has sent people into my life, including a wonderful husband, that love and cherish me, too. So what if some guy I once spent some time with doesn't have the slightest clue who I am and probably thinks I'm some kind of weird overweight stalker? Come to think of it, it might be better if some people from my past not remember me, based on things I remember about myself when I knew them! But just to be safe I think I'll go back to my strategy of not trying to recognize people. I don't really want to start holding hands with strangers OR get the reputation of the crazy stalker.
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