When Satan Tempts Me to Despair....

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made and end to all my sin

And boy, is he tempting!  You see, I have started a major Kelly-over this year.  I have joined a gym, hired a trainer, changed my eating habits DRAMATICALLY, and am earnestly seeking to be obedient to God with my body and health through prayer, accountability, and a great book, Made to Crave.  My parents and brother and husband, bless their hearts, have taken on getting me to and from the gym (legally blind, can't drive, another long one for later), as well as taking care of the kid(s) during my workout time.

So for about 6 weeks now I have been lifting weights, elliptical-ling, RPM-ing (Spin classes), treadmill-ing, and CrossFit-ing three to four days a week, as well as eating less and better.  Yesterday I even did TWO RPM classes.  I know, wow, right?  So guess how much weight I've lost.  Here it comes.  You ready?..........ZERO!  Yes, that's right, ZERO pounds.  No better-fitting jeans, no better-fitting wedding rings, no comments on how I LOOK like I've slimmed any, nada.  But that's not to say there haven't been other changes.

My doctor reduced my insulin from 140 units per day to 70 per day, and reduced my HBP med by 50%.  He says that within three more months he expects I will be off of all of these meds.  So that's great.  I have more energy (at least on the days I go to the gym), I'm in a better mood, and just generally feel better.  I don't have as many aches and pains.  Oh, and my family is in love with the new eating plan, which includes no junk food, no Chinese food, no white potatoes, no fast food, no fried foods, turkey instead of pork, and a lot more simple meat and veggie meals.  Yeah, they are lovin' me right now (did you catch the sarcasm?)!  And, on days I can't make it to the gym to work out, I am so sleepy I can't stay awake for more than a few hours during the day.

So you see, it is very tempting to go into the despair mode.  Not to worry, though.  I am not just doing this for the number on the scale or the number on the clothing tag.  I could always rig those (remember that Seinfeld episode where he replaces the tag in his pants to make others think he's still thinner than he is?).  No, I have no plans to throw in the towel.  But at the same time, can someone just hook up a Dyson to my stomach and suck all the fat out?  Actually, it might be easier with a ShopVac.  Just to give me some outwardly visible evidence of what I'm doing?  Even Trainer Terry is confused, and has enlisted the help of other trainers to try to figure this mess out.  I am currently keeping a VERY detailed food journal in the hopes that I am not eating enough.  Wouldn't that be ironic?  And to answer the obvious question, yes, I have had my thyroid checked.  About 137 times.  Still comes back normal.

So, as the song above tells me, I must look to God for power, resolve, and reprieve from the temptation that is lurking just outside the door of the Cycle Studio, right beside the scale in the locker room, and right beside the other gym junkies who are actually changing their bodies before my eyes.  So what if their muffin top is shrinking while mine tries desperately to fit into Spandex padded in the butt so that I can endure my 45 minutes of racing towards nowhere on a cardio bike?  I have to trust God that He gave me this body, I am doing all I can (finally) to take care of it, and while I may not see the rewards I want right now, I find peace in the knowledge that I am being obedient to His will for me.  So in the spirit of C.S. Lewis, I am handing over power to God to take the little demon away from my shoulder and not just throw him aside, but crush the ever-loving snot out of him (read The Great Divorce).